Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Who am I ..!?

Many times I have asked myself this question .. Who am I ?

Am I a mother, a wife, a best friend ? Can I be great at all of those?

It's so hard to find a balance and be all of those to the standards that I want to at the same time. Above all others I will always do my best to be the best mother I can be. There will be times I fail miserably but I wholeheartedly believe I'll always give Bowen and any future children my all. Being a wife has its challenges all of its own. Don't get me wrong I love Casey with everything in me, but marriage isn't easy. Two people become one and at all stages of life both are growing and changing. It takes a lot of work to make it work. If there's one thing I do know its that I want to grow with Casey, I want to fight like hell through the hard times so that we can enjoy all the wonderful moments. In the craziness of life I catch myself taking a long bath instead of spending those valuable minutes asking Casey how his day was. Or many times I'm tired after work and I don't want to cook so I'll just pick something up when I know my husband would love a good home cooked meal. I know those small things don't seem to bother him but looking back I know it's the small things that can mean the most. Being Casey's wife is such an honor and I am thankful he is my best friend, I seriously couldn't have asked for a better partner. So here is my dilemma , while I have my faults I know that Bowen gets my 110% so does that mean I can't or I don't give the same to being a wife ( FYI Casey has NEVER complained , I just feel this way ). I hope that I am doing ok at the balance between the two. My boys are my world !! Without Casey I wouldn't be the mother I strive to be and without Bowen I wouldn't be the wife that I am .

Now as far as my friendships , this has been the area that I think I have have the most questions about. In fact, I am actually a little bitter about some of them. Between work, Bowen and running a household I try my best to keep in touch with as many best friends as I can. While it isn't as much as it used to be I TRY! A simple text message , a Facebook comment , an invite over. I know I am limited when it comes to what time I can be out till because Bowen has a nap time and bed time. Let's face it , I'm not the most fun to hang out with anyone. Many of my friendship have suffered from just the fact that we are at different points in our life. Is that a real reason or is it just an excuse ? I feel that in some cases I do make an effort and the other doesn't ..! Don't mistake what I'm saying , I have a couple of my best friends that do put in just as much as me and for that I am soooooo grateful. I guess I'm just at a point now that I realize no matter how bad I want a friendship to work, I cannot be the only one to make an effort. From here on out, I'm just going to focus on what I can control.

So ask me again .. Who are you ..?

I am a mother , wife and best friend . I'm not always going to be the best at all of it, it's just life. However I will try my hardest and that's all I can do.

- Lacey